Pete’s story

2 March, 2022

Pete has been the victim of stalking since November 2020, after cutting ties with a former partner and friend. He is now being supported by Action Against Stalking, who have helped emotionally support and reassure him.

A friend of mine who was a former lover that lives some distance away, started to be quite controlling, saying they were going to take their own life. I decided to stop the friendship, explaining the reasons why, and didn’t reply to his emails.

In November 2020 he then began to contact my friends through different aliases on social media and contacted the place I worship. He then threatened me through email, suggesting that he knew what I was doing, and saying that friends of mine were speaking to him about what I was doing, and that he would catch up and get me soon.

I knew that if he contacted my friends, they would not say anything about me. Despite this I have learned that people who resort to this sort of behaviour really get inside your head, and it can be very frightening.

It got to the point where I felt in danger, so I got in touch with Action Against Stalking.

After getting in contact with them, I then went to the police, who were very kind and understanding and gave me an hour of their time. They took his details, where he worked and logged the incident as domestic. They said that if the stalking escalated to ring them and that he would be arrested.

I had been saving evidence of the emails in a file, but the police told me to delete the emails as it was negatively impacting my mental health. I was told to block him, and when I did this, he found another way of contacting me and he was very angry. It made him nastier, and when I met with Action Against Stalking they thought the police had given me the incorrect advice.

I am still hearing from my stalker to this day, and what worries me is that he is not behaving rationally, and even though there is a physical distance between us, he lives close to my family which makes me very anxious and uncomfortable. I have had a lot of sleepless nights, high levels of anxiety and it has made me unwell.

I do think that the police should work alongside organisations such as Action Against Stalking and the Suzy Lamplugh Trust to be more aware of how stalkers can behave, and the negative impacts stalking can have on victims.

I would really advise anyone in a similar position as me to go and see Action Against Stalking or the Suzy Lamplugh Trust. Action Against Stalking really helped me to come to terms with mind games my stalker was playing, and said to me “this isn’t true, he is simply trying to agitate you and get inside your mind. Don’t engage, they are not winning” and that was a huge help.

The support workers at both organisations can give some great tips for any scenario in regard to stalking and can help you to cope with the effects of what is happening. I definitely recommend anyone who finds themselves worried about stalking to get in touch with a support organisation who can help you and give you the most appropriate advice, and help with contacting the police.